Finding peace in all the right places

I’m going to say it right off the top. I’m a messed up person. 
All my years on this earth i have been struggling. At an early age i was put with this stigma, being told i was crazy by family and friends. I pushed through all that, somehow convincing myself i was fine.
For quite sometime i was just fine. I had separated myself from my family and all my supposed friends that i felt caused me me so much pain. I was in a new place and made new friends. Friends that were just as messed up as me.
Then that stopped working. So i went home. Then once again i was fine. My family had noticed i had changed. That i had grown up. However, i still hurt inside. I was lonely and scared. I always seem to be lonely and scared.
I would tell myself that if i just did this or did that i would be happy. If i found a real friend or started working from home. But there is always an empty spot in my heart. 
Now i wound up in Alabama away from everyone i know because of all this. Feeling as though my world was crumbling almost daily. Something had to be done and now! I couldn’t continue to live this way. I deserve better and so do my kids.
So when my world disappeared ad i know it i searched my heart. Something told me to go to church. I found a non-denominational church close to home.
This place was filled with love. I felt it from the moment i walked in the door. But i had a hard time accepting all of it at first.
My mom had raised me in the Lutheran church, but as a teenager i pushed Christianity under the bus. I thought that it was all fake. Instead i tried to finf solace in other religions.
I had predispositioned myself to question truth.
Now i reached a point where the question was no longer is this true? But rather, why do i have such a hard time seeing the truth.
If i can believe in witchcraft, Tao, and any other religion i tried to fill that emptiness with than why can’t i believe in the word?
My conclusion, i have spent so much time looking for truth that when i see it i can’t see it.
When i realized this i finally opened my heart up. I let the word in my heart.
Something amazing happened since then. I no longer feel lonely. I no longer feel scared. I’m not going to say things are perfect. Life isn’t perfect.
I have found the best friend i could ever have. I don’t need to scroll through my phone book looking for someone to talk to. I just look at the sky and talk. I am always listened to. And he is never ever to busy for me.
I am free.

Thanks for stopping by. Pleasant journey to you. Till next time. 🙂

P.S. sorry about any grammar errors. I’m posting from my phone.

Project: This is home!

Recently I moved into my own place.  I live in a small town so there wasn’t much to choose from.  Especially since I’m on a tight budget.  I found a place that has just enough space and is close enough to walk everywhere I need to go.

The thing is, is this place was a mess!  The previous tenants had left the place trashed.  There are holes in the wall that need repair.  The walls need to be painted.  he carpets need a good cleaning.  This is just what needs to be done for the home itself. Continue reading

Lifes little wonders

The other day when I took my kids to the park I decided to bring my new camera along.  I was so excited about it that I started taking pictures of what ever I found interesting.  I took many pictures of flowers.

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I really got excited about this one because as I took the picture the grasshopper landed on it just long enough to get the shot.  It reminded me of the wonders of life.  How quickly they can come and go.

Pay attention and you will see more wonders before they pass you by.

Thank you for taking the time to stop by.  Pleasant journeys.

I Wanna Work From Home!

For years I’ve been trying to work from home, but I had given up. I got tired of trying to push a business onto someone who really was interested.  I experienced several hurdles, many of which stemmed from having bipolar and borderline personality.  Another hurdle was the financial issues that I went through.

I never let go of the idea that it is possible to earn an income doing something I love. Over the last few months I have been trying to decipher all sorts of information, trying to pin point exactly what I want to do without being obtrusive to others.

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Playtime With Moose

Over the last few days I’ve been really focusing on letting go of things that prevent me from being the best me I can be.  Between blogging, church, and reading I’ve started to open up and find more time with less mood changes.  So I decided to use some of the positive energy for play time.

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