Finding peace in all the right places

I’m going to say it right off the top. I’m a messed up person. 
All my years on this earth i have been struggling. At an early age i was put with this stigma, being told i was crazy by family and friends. I pushed through all that, somehow convincing myself i was fine.
For quite sometime i was just fine. I had separated myself from my family and all my supposed friends that i felt caused me me so much pain. I was in a new place and made new friends. Friends that were just as messed up as me.
Then that stopped working. So i went home. Then once again i was fine. My family had noticed i had changed. That i had grown up. However, i still hurt inside. I was lonely and scared. I always seem to be lonely and scared.
I would tell myself that if i just did this or did that i would be happy. If i found a real friend or started working from home. But there is always an empty spot in my heart. 
Now i wound up in Alabama away from everyone i know because of all this. Feeling as though my world was crumbling almost daily. Something had to be done and now! I couldn’t continue to live this way. I deserve better and so do my kids.
So when my world disappeared ad i know it i searched my heart. Something told me to go to church. I found a non-denominational church close to home.
This place was filled with love. I felt it from the moment i walked in the door. But i had a hard time accepting all of it at first.
My mom had raised me in the Lutheran church, but as a teenager i pushed Christianity under the bus. I thought that it was all fake. Instead i tried to finf solace in other religions.
I had predispositioned myself to question truth.
Now i reached a point where the question was no longer is this true? But rather, why do i have such a hard time seeing the truth.
If i can believe in witchcraft, Tao, and any other religion i tried to fill that emptiness with than why can’t i believe in the word?
My conclusion, i have spent so much time looking for truth that when i see it i can’t see it.
When i realized this i finally opened my heart up. I let the word in my heart.
Something amazing happened since then. I no longer feel lonely. I no longer feel scared. I’m not going to say things are perfect. Life isn’t perfect.
I have found the best friend i could ever have. I don’t need to scroll through my phone book looking for someone to talk to. I just look at the sky and talk. I am always listened to. And he is never ever to busy for me.
I am free.

Thanks for stopping by. Pleasant journey to you. Till next time. 🙂

P.S. sorry about any grammar errors. I’m posting from my phone.

Fear no more

When I started this blog I was afraid.  I was scared that if I opened up and let the world know who I was that I would be judged for having bipolar and border line personality disorder.  So I made my blog anonymous, but I notice it is hindering my creative side.  It’s taking away from my authenticity.  Therefore, over the next few days I will be changing my about me page to real names and will even start posting pictures of us.

I am no longer afraid of who I am.  I am free to be me.  I have come to terms with this.

If anyone feels the need to judge me that is their deal.  It is life.  People judge.

I look forward to opening up and sharing more about me and my family, and how we deal everyday with this mishaps of life as well as the joys.  I look forward to sharing the tips I’ve learned along the way.

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read.  Pleasant journey to you.  Till next time.  🙂

Unintentianal Broken Promises

“Hey Mom,  do you think I can go to my friends on Friday?” Wild Flower asks on Tuesday.

“Sure, that sounds ok” I say.

Friday comes along and I’m having an awful day.  Binks is off the wall with his ADHD, and I’m lurking on the point of sullen depression from the stress.  I haven’t showered because I’ve spent the whole day just trying to get Binks to sit still for 3 minutes.

Continue reading

Daddy Loves Me More Than You!!!

Binks, pick up your toys!  Binks, follow instructions.  Binks, sit still for 5 minutes.  Binks, leave Moose alone!  Binks, go to the corner!!!

Binks doesn’t listen very well.  He has ADHD.  Any given day becomes a huge battle with my exceptionally cuddly boy.  He is usually bouncing off the walls with very short periods of being over affectionate. Continue reading