I’m going to say it right off the top. I’m a messed up person.
All my years on this earth i have been struggling. At an early age i was put with this stigma, being told i was crazy by family and friends. I pushed through all that, somehow convincing myself i was fine.
For quite sometime i was just fine. I had separated myself from my family and all my supposed friends that i felt caused me me so much pain. I was in a new place and made new friends. Friends that were just as messed up as me.
Then that stopped working. So i went home. Then once again i was fine. My family had noticed i had changed. That i had grown up. However, i still hurt inside. I was lonely and scared. I always seem to be lonely and scared.
I would tell myself that if i just did this or did that i would be happy. If i found a real friend or started working from home. But there is always an empty spot in my heart.
Now i wound up in Alabama away from everyone i know because of all this. Feeling as though my world was crumbling almost daily. Something had to be done and now! I couldn’t continue to live this way. I deserve better and so do my kids.
So when my world disappeared ad i know it i searched my heart. Something told me to go to church. I found a non-denominational church close to home.
This place was filled with love. I felt it from the moment i walked in the door. But i had a hard time accepting all of it at first.
My mom had raised me in the Lutheran church, but as a teenager i pushed Christianity under the bus. I thought that it was all fake. Instead i tried to finf solace in other religions.
I had predispositioned myself to question truth.
Now i reached a point where the question was no longer is this true? But rather, why do i have such a hard time seeing the truth.
If i can believe in witchcraft, Tao, and any other religion i tried to fill that emptiness with than why can’t i believe in the word?
My conclusion, i have spent so much time looking for truth that when i see it i can’t see it.
When i realized this i finally opened my heart up. I let the word in my heart.
Something amazing happened since then. I no longer feel lonely. I no longer feel scared. I’m not going to say things are perfect. Life isn’t perfect.
I have found the best friend i could ever have. I don’t need to scroll through my phone book looking for someone to talk to. I just look at the sky and talk. I am always listened to. And he is never ever to busy for me.
I am free.
Thanks for stopping by. Pleasant journey to you. Till next time. 🙂
P.S. sorry about any grammar errors. I’m posting from my phone.
Some days can get a bit overwhelming in our house, especially on weekends.
Today happened to be one of those days. As things started to escalate i took a moment to pray. I was at a loss and have discovered that asking for help from my friend Jesus keeps me focussed in chaotic times.
The conclusion i came to was to spend a little quality time doing something the kids would like. So i gathered up some supplies.
Then proceeded to let them each create a masterpiece.
Adelia made an A for her name.
Hunter chose a H for his name too.
I even got in on the fun.
My house calmed down a bit after that. We even have some left over supplies so we can do it again tomorrow.
Thanks food taking the time to read. Have a pleasant journey. Till next time. 🙂
P.S. I’m still getting users to this phone application but loving the ability to share right ay my finger tips. 🙂
The internet went down at home shortly after my last post. Fortunately, I live right next to the library! So tomorrow, I will be coming over and posting a real post.
Have a wonderful day all!
Recently I moved into my own place. I live in a small town so there wasn’t much to choose from. Especially since I’m on a tight budget. I found a place that has just enough space and is close enough to walk everywhere I need to go.
The thing is, is this place was a mess! The previous tenants had left the place trashed. There are holes in the wall that need repair. The walls need to be painted. he carpets need a good cleaning. This is just what needs to be done for the home itself. Continue reading
When I started this blog I was afraid. I was scared that if I opened up and let the world know who I was that I would be judged for having bipolar and border line personality disorder. So I made my blog anonymous, but I notice it is hindering my creative side. It’s taking away from my authenticity. Therefore, over the next few days I will be changing my about me page to real names and will even start posting pictures of us.
I am no longer afraid of who I am. I am free to be me. I have come to terms with this.
If anyone feels the need to judge me that is their deal. It is life. People judge.
I look forward to opening up and sharing more about me and my family, and how we deal everyday with this mishaps of life as well as the joys. I look forward to sharing the tips I’ve learned along the way.
Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read. Pleasant journey to you. Till next time. 🙂
I’m finally moved into my new place and starting to feel at home. The other night I left my porch light on and wound up meeting some of the natives.
The funny part is I was talking to my God-mother on Facebook earlier in the day about the bugs in the south versus the north. I told her I hadn’t seen anything impressive yet. Man, was I proved wrong that very same day.
I think it’s funny how things work out.
Well, that is all I have for now, but my time is stating to free up again so I’ll be back soon. Pleasant journey to you. Till next time. 🙂